i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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