hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
