If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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