ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
