butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
