went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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