Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
