Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
