I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
