6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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