She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
