Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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