How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize