6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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