I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
