You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
