I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
