I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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