you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
