i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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