I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
