I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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