He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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