in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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