You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
