I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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