the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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