I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
