New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
