shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
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So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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