How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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