If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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