Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
