forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
