I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
