I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
