i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
