It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
