man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.