how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person