u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE