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So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
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