What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
