Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
