the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
