My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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