I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
