Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
