I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
