I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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