Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
