Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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