sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
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Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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