It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
