i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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