dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
