theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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