Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
