I wish I could punch you in the face.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
