i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
