Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
