double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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