Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
