Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
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Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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