Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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