1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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