i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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