Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
