Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
