I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
