Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
