It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
