Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office