and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize