Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
