You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Damn victory sex feels great
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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