i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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