Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
