I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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