I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
