i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
