I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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