So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
