some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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