Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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