i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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