Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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