Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
