my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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