Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
